Chapter 3 of MY FIRST BOOK: Introducing “Newer Dave”: Monday December 11, 2017
CHAPTER 3: Introducing “Newer Dave”: Monday December 11, 2017
This is a picture of the little Coffee Shop,
where I often hang out to write.
When I am visiting my sweetheart.
I sometimes refer to it as, my office away from my home office.
One of them. I have several writing hangouts now.
I am having a lot of FUN writing (and sharing what I write).
“Tell Me Why I don’t like Mondays”
– Song by the Boomtown Rats
Sutton. Just outside of Montreal. MONDAY, December 11, 2017. I think it’s time to move on now
I feel sad today. I am also feeling a little scared. What is with that? It has been almost seven years now since I hit rock bottom, sitting in that food court, isolated, and all by myself, on that Monday morning, way back then. I have worked so hard since then to get to where I am today. I have changed so much since then. I feel like I am a new person. My brother-in-law has even started referring to me as “New Dave”, the change has been that dramatic.
My change and transition has been across the board. I have changed physically, mentally, emotionally and, even spiritually, a word that was not even part of my vocabulary until a little over a year ago. My change statistics speak for themselves, and I have been keeping track of them (it must be the accountant in me). I have undergone so much change over the past 7 years. Enough to last a life time. And, unlike the change that I was undergoing in the past, this change, has been of the enjoyable, and energizing kind. I am on such a roll these days. I am having so much fun these days. Yes FUN! Apparently, having fun is very important to me, apparently, it is part of my state of being (a.k.a. My Solid State). A little something that I discovered along my journey of change. No wonder I was so miserable back in those nasty days. It is hard to have fun, and feel the emotions that go with having fun, when you tune out your emotions and almost everyone around you.
I am going to turn 53 in a little more than a month, and I am healthier today then when I was when I was in my thirties. My doctor even told me recently that I have the heart-beat of a twenty-year-old. I am eating healthy. I am exercising frequently. I am getting enough sleep. I have not had a buzz on from alcohol in nearly two years now. My energy and time spent planning for my early retirement has gone into taking a shot at entrepreneurship by starting up my own business, for the first time in my life. I am hoping to have it up and running as a sustainable business by the time I am 55 years old. Yes. the irony of the change in my definition of MY Freedom 55 plan is not lost on me. Quite the change. A NEW Freedom 55 plan for a New, or Newer, Dave.
I am connecting daily with clients and colleagues and peers from around the world. I am spending quality time with my family and friends. I am in a loving and caring and very special relationship with a beautiful, loving and caring woman. She has 2 beautiful daughters who are also now part of my life. And Let’s not forget my two beautiful children, they are the loves of my life. I have never felt closer to them. Not only am I spending time with them, but it is quality time. What I have discovered is that less quantity (of booze that is) results in more quality time with others, the kids and others (including myself). All this change, yet here I am, today, feeling sad and scared.
All that change and transition and yet, here I am, in a coffee shop down the street from my sweetheart’s house and I am feeling a bit lost. This is the 3rd time in the past year that I have scheduled time to sit down and write, what was supposed to be, the final chapter of my book. It was time to finally wrap up my book, and wrap up this Halftime journey of mine, so that I can move on to the second half of my life. So, here I am, ready to type up my final few thoughts before heading off for, what I thought would be, a second half journey of bliss and a constant state of Happiness. Yet, here I am, sad and scared. Am I a fraud? Have I failed in my transition? What gives? Or in this case, what does not give?
Well you know what buddy? Feeling sad and scared. Those are called emotions, and the fact that you can identify and acknowledge them, is telling me that maybe, it is time to wrap up your half time journey and move on to the next phase. And what better day to do so than a Monday.
That sadness that you are feeling today is normal. Your kids are going to be spending the rest of the week with their mother. You are going to miss them. You love them more than anything. Of course, you are going to feel sad on the Mondays when they leave. But don’t forget how you feel on the Mondays when you are expecting them back. Talk about a reason to look forward to a Monday. Have you already forgotten all the fun you had last Monday? Making the gingerbread house with your daughter? Your nightly bedtime chat with her? Helping her make “slime” and the mess that goes along with making slime? What about watching the New York JETS game with your son? There was a lot of yelling and screaming and hooting going on, from both of you. I don’t even remember whether they won or lost. It didn’t matter, it was fun and we were connected. Oh, and don’t forget, decorating the Christmas tree and putting up all the lights in the house. Wow! Talk about a lot of fun. Long gone are the days of spending time with kids, accompanied by a bottle or two of wine, one of my crutches to get through life, back then. Back then, but not now, and I am so grateful. O.k. So every once in a while, I am going to feel sad, but these days, feeling the joy and happiness that comes from connecting with my loved ones, is what I am feeling the most often, that, and the feelings that come from having a lot of fun.
That fear that you are also feeling today is also normal. After over 30 years of receiving a bi-weekly paycheck, you are now two years into having launched your own business. It is going to take some time to get that business going. It is going to take some time for the money to start coming in. Not having money coming in regularly is a pretty scary proposition and situation. No wonder your fears pop up, not always, but every now and then. But don’t forget that book that your Mom shared with you all those years ago, “Do what you love and the money will follow”. Well, guess what? You, are doing what you love. I can see the passion in your eyes. I can hear it in your voice. I can feel it in your heart. Yes, I can feel it. Those feelings that I have been shutting out, and ignoring for most of my life, are actually proving quite helpful in that way. You also seem to be having a whole lot of fun. OTHERS have also sensed the love and passion as well, and have told you so. How cool is that? How loving and caring is that? And to think that, in the nasty old days, not only was I shutting out my emotions, I was also shutting out those OTHERS. Shutting out, not just those others, but almost everyone else, including myself.
Well, you have come a long way baby! You are doing what you love. You are spending time with your loved ones. Quality time, with your loved ones. Quality time with your children and family and a very special and beautiful woman. You are connecting and engaging and re-energizing with your colleagues and peers, not just occasionally, but often. You are helping others undergo positive changes in their lives. How cool is that! Quite the change from 7 years ago. And not only are you connecting with, and engaging with others, you are doing the same thing with yourself. Spending quality with yourself. Taking care of yourself. Trusting in yourself. Believing in yourself. Having Faith in yourself. Forgiving yourself. Loving yourself.
Yes, a lot of progress buddy. Kudos to you for having finally deciding to make that change. Kudos to you for all the progress that you have made on this journey of change. Kudos to you for having developed the strength and courage to stay the course along the way, even when things got tough. You will need that courage for the next leg of your journey. You see, at least I see it now, Life is a journey and not a destination. And yes, as part of that journey, it is time to finally move on to that second half. Screw perfection, you have made a whole lot of progress and it is time to move on. It is time to spend more time helping others with their HALFTIME journeys of change. I am proud of you. I LOVE YOU. I guess I always have. I just forgot it, somewhere along the way. Well, I promise not to forget that again.
Enjoy your second half with the kids, and your sweetheart, and your family, and most of all, with yourself. I love you buddy. There will be some more ups and downs moving forward, of that I am sure. After all, life is a bit of a roller coaster ride, but this time around, I am going to have fun riding that roller coaster, because in the end, “it’s all over way too soon”. So, “enjoy the ride” buddy, all of the Mondays and all of the other days of the week that are going to make up that second Half of your life. Bring it on! 😊
So, What did I learn?
How did I make change EASYer on myself 😊 (or not ☹)
If Life really is a journey and not a destination, and, the only constant is change, then that means that I am going to have to undertake a lot more change in my future, regardless of how far I have come. A fact that one of my fellow coaches pointed out to me the other day. She suggested that I consider referring to myself as “NEWER” Dave, instead of “NEW” Dave, in order to reflect that constant state of change. Not a bad suggestion. Sounds like I still have a lot more changing to go, even in the second half of my life. Good thing then, that I discovered, as part of my journey of change, that I really enjoy learning and growing and changing. It turns out, that Learning and Growth (L&G) is one of my top values. it is value #2 on my Top 502 List of values, right after FAMILY, which is my #1. It took me a while to figure that one out (i.e. Family being #1, it was not even on the top 10 list for some reason) but that is another story for later on.
Well good thing that I have become more adept at change and, and one of my key enablers of that change, Self-Love. I mention self-love, because, if I was forced to choose only one thing that allowed me to make and maintain all the change that was part of my Halftime transition, it would be my newfound practice, of practicing, Self-Love, with me. I had stopped loving and caring for myself at some point. I am not sure when, but, I am so pleased that I have started that practice up again. I love you buddy! And don’t forget to keep asking yourself, How do I make this next change, EASYer on myself? 😊
That was all about me. What about YOU?What are you doing to make your journey of change EASYer on YOU? 😊 (or not ☹)
Where are you on the self-loving spectrum of things?
LOOKING FOR SUPPORT FOR YOUR JOURNEY?