What is your Love language? Oh, and, Happy Valentines Day!

 In Health, Personal Development, Relationships

MY 2 Cents Worth (and a challenge for YOU!)


Chapter 1: Setting the stage (a.k.a. The background and context)
My focus for my storytelling for the month of February was supposed to be on Leadership.|
The aim is to prepare myself for my upcoming “Authentic Leadership bootcamp”.

But I have decided to cheat and squeeze this one in as well.
Not sure to what extent they are related?
Except that they both start with the letter L.
Love and Leadership.
They are both L words.
And in my mind, they are both important.
So, I am going to explore the other L word today.
After all, it is Valentines day.
How could I possibly pass this opportunity up. 🙂

I have a big date tonight with a beautiful young woman.
So, young, in fact that I have invited her brother, my son, along as a chaperone.
It has become a tradition, over the past few years,
for the three of us to celebrate Valentines day together.
Not always on Valentines day itself because sometimes they are with their mom,
but the day is less important than,
the “date” itself. 🙂

I have yet to sign the cards but the flower (made of chocolate, YUMMY)
and gifts are ready to go.
The restaurant reservation is made.
So, now I am free to explore the L word.
And share some of my thoughts on the topic with YOU all,
And maybe even with my children tonight.
That would make sense.
I bought the book “The 5 Love Languages of Children” a while ago.
Although I have yet to read it, it was and is my intention to do so.
I also bought another one in the series called;
“The five love languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts”
That one I have read. It is targeted at adults.
Looks like the 5 love languages are common to both adults and children.
With that in mind, I have decided to take a hunch at what mine is.
And those of my 2 children.
But more on that later.

Time to get YOU all up to speed on what I have discovered so far.
And yes, of course, put forward a challenge to YOU all as well.
You can probably guess that it has to do with YOUR love language.
So, pay attention now! (sorry, only if you want to!). 🙂

Chapter 2: Exploring the topic (a.k.a. researching and connecting)
As far back as I remember the L word has always been a word and topic that has caused me,
how can I put this?
some discomfort.
To say the least.
As I have mentioned in my previous blogs,
I have not been all that tuned into my emotions in the past.
And what more powerful emotion than LOVE.
So, when I came across the love languages books and concepts I was intrigued.
To say the least.

According to the author of the first book, Gary Chapman,
We all have a primary “love language”.
There are 5 of them to choose from.
My interpretation of the concept is that we can enjoy them all but,
there is one that is our primary.
We might even have a secondary?

The five “love languages” are as follows:

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Acts of Service
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Quality Time
  • Physical Touch

According to the author,
“between busy schedules and long days” (describe anyone YOU know 🙁 )
“expressing love can fall by the wayside”.

Finding one’s love language and those of our loved ones,
and executing (oops my old consultant lingo coming out) on it,
day in and day out will, again, according to the author,
“Change your relationship. Starting today”.
It also sounds like a great way to not only “change” your relationships but to also
maintain them and keep building upon them.
How cool is that!

Again, as those of you who have read my previous blogs,
I am a big fan of the bucket filling concept.
In this case the author of “love languages” calls it, “filling” someone’s “love tank”.
Filling the “love tank” of your life partner, your children, your other loved ones.

Filling love tanks.
The concept sounds familiar to filling one’s bucket as outlined by Tom Rath in his book,
“How full is your bucket”.
His premise was that you actually fill your own bucket
by filling the bucket of someone else.
Also, that it is hard to fill someone else’s bucket if yours is empty,
And vice-versa.
Unless I hear otherwise I am assuming the same works for “Love Tanks”.

Sounds like I have some bucket filling to do.
Or in this case, “love tank filling”.
Not have to do.
More like want to do. 🙂
What about YOU?

Chapter 3: My takeaway(s) (a.k.a. What I have I learned? How have I grown?)
So, what have I learned so far.
Let’s see, I have taken a first pass at hunching out MY own Love Language,
My hypothesis is that it is “Words of Affirmation” but now,
Like any good hypothesis, I want to test it out.
There is a little self-assessment (a.k.a. test) on the internet so I will give that a try.
I have also hunched out the love languages of my children,
and will want to test out that Hypothesis with them as well.
I might just start by sharing the concept and book with them,
and then doing something that I often have not done in the past,
and, that is, ask them. 🙂
It does not get any simpler than that.

Oh, and while I am at it,
I have a valentine’s date with someone a little older in the coming weeks.
I might want to get a better sense of my love language before then.
I wonder what her primary love language is?
Maybe we can explore that question together?
Would that not be a cool way to celebrate a holiday where the predominant
theme is all about love and the heart. 🙂
Sounds like I should take a crack at that self-assessment sooner rather than later.
That is my challenge and homework for ME.
I will also challenge my date to do likewise.
Hey, Carmen, sounds like you have some homework to do as well. 🙂

So, what about a little challenge for YOU?
A little bit of Homework for YOU?

Chapter 4: MY Challenge to YOU (An opportunity for YOU to learn and grow.)
Optional of course. Like everything in Life. YOUR CHOICE!

“Pitter patter, let’s get at ‘er”.
The “Activator” in me likes that little motto.
No better time than the present (i.e. today).
Whatever today is for YOU when you read this blog.
Valentines Day or post Valentine’s Day.

Just do it!

Start the conversation.
Start developing your hypothesis.
Hypotheses about your primary love language.
And those of the loved ones around you.

Buy the book, and/or,
Visit the site, and/or,

Take the self-assessment and/or,
Encourage someone else to take the self-assessment (maybe with you :)).

Bottom line.
Just do it!
Go fill some “love tanks”
Including YOURS 🙂


Well, that’s all folks.




If YOU would like to follow MY stories (a.k.a. blogs) register through my website. You are now on it 🙂         

If you would like to register for or are looking for more information on the March 1 “Authentic Leadership boot camp” please visit the “MY PROGRAMS” page on my website at


Items and articles referenced in putting together this STORY

“The 5 love languages: The secret to Love That Lasts” by Gary Chapman

“The 5 Love Languages of Children” by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell

The link to the “Love Languages Quiz” and more info on the books and author.

“How full is your bucket” by Tom Rath

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